Sunday, May 21, 2017

The Joke Blog- Four of my favorite jokes and why

I love jokes. My favorite ones gives a little lesson about human nature. If they have religious or spiritual overtones, all the better. Here are four of my favorite jokes that have a religious or spiritual nature  and make a comment about man's stubbornness to stay human. After all, flesh aspires but remains earthbound.
 Here the are in no particular order.

1. A rabbi, a cantor and the custodian of a synagogue are all engaged in prayer. There's a prayer in Judaism that reminds the practitioner of his or her insignificance.
The Rabbi is wailing. Roughly translated from hebrew, he intones: "G-d, I am nothing. Absolutely nothing. Zero. Zilch...completely and utterly...nothing. 
The Cantor cries to heaven beating on his chest: G-d, me...nothing. Less than nothing. A complete zero, me...nothing, nothing, nothing.
The custodian is also crying, his head in his hands: G-d, please...accept that I am nothing, less than zero. Worthless. Nil. Nada. Nothing.

The Cantor looks over to the Rabbi and pointing his thumb to the custodian whispers, "Look who's nothing."

2. Jesus and St. Peter are playing golf. St. Peter hits the ball and it lands on the green about 5 feet from the hole. He's pretty happy with himself, figuring he has a birdie. 
Jesus now swings his iron and misses the ball entirely. But the wind knocks the ball off the tee just as a rabbit runs out from the woods and grabs the ball in its mouth and starts running down the green. An eagle soars down from above, grabs the rabbit and flies over the hole. Now a bolt of lightening strikes the eagle. He drops to the ground, the rabbit falls out of its mouth. The ball falls out of the rabbit's mouth and a sudden gust of wind blows the ball into the cup. A hole-in-one.
St. Peter looks at Jesus and says, "Hey, you wanna play golf or you wanna screw around?" 

3. A 90 year old woman insists on going to Tibet. Against the pleadings of everyone she knows she buys the ticket, flies 25 hours with several stops in India and Nepal and finally lands in the small dusty airport in Lhasa. When she leaves the plane she immediately insists on going to the Long-Chen Nying-Thig Monastery.
"Lady, do you know how hard it is to get to the Long-Chen Nying-Thig Monastery. It's a three day journey over the mountains on yaks traipsing through four feet of snow."
"I don't care. I want to go to the monastery!"
So to make a long story short, three days later she's at the gates of the majestic religious residence and insists on seeing the great Rinpoche himself.
"Lady, NO one sees our great teacher. He's in a five year retreat and is in deep meditation."
"I don't care! I want to see the Rinpoche!"
After much consulting, they give her a test. "You can see the Rinpoche but first you must do 1000 prostrations and then you'll only be allowed to say three words to him."
And so, after several days this poor 90 year old woman completes the 1000 prostrations and is ushered into the great hall where the great Rinpoche himself sits at the highest seat surrounded by gold brocades, priceless tankas and silver goblets. He has a long black beard and fine satin clothes. His tall black hat studded with jewels glares from the hundreds of candles lit in the Buddha's honor. 
She walks up to him and mindful of the three words she's allowed, says, 
"Sheldon, enough already!"

4. A man steps into the confessional and addresses the priest. "I'm 84 years old and my wife of 50 years died a few years ago. Recently I met a 35 year old woman and we've been making love every morning, afternoon, and evening for the last two months.
The priest aghast finally mutters, "I understand my son. Say 50 hail Marys and with the rosary, 50 Our Fathers."
The man says, "I don't think I can do that, Father. You see, I'm jewish.
The priest is taken aback,"So why are you telling me this?"

The man replies, "Are you kidding, I'm telling everybody!"

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